“For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens: as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone,” “This government will conclusively turn the page on this failed approach.”
Imagine being pulled over by a black shirted, shaven head man, tooled up to the nines. The following non-crimes are now applicable.
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you just purchased alcohol when you are over the legal age?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you were doing 30 miles an hour in a 30 mph Zone?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you just paid for those goods?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you just paid your taxes?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you just had your MOT done on your vehicle and are driving a safe vehicle?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you haven’t purchased any Class A-C drugs?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you failed to rob the bank you were just in?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you didn’t punch someone?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you didn’t release confidential information for financial gain?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you just stopped at that red light?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you are driving with valid insurance?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you just exercised your democratic right to vote?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you just exercised your right to free speech in a manner that was respectful others?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you didn’t pay a public official money for a story?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you didn’t get your corporate sponsors to question the patriotism of the opposition leader’s father?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you practice your religion without judgement or interruption of others?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you didn’t claim MPs expenses and paid it to your partner as rent?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you just allowed that person to walk by without raping them?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you haven’t received donations to your political party via a series of shell charitable organisations?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you didn’t hack into the mobile phone of a dead teenage girl and delete messages leading her parents into a false hope?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you haven’t paid your partner from taxpayers funds to do nothing?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise you just put that litter in a bin?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you haven’t molested any children, ever?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you haven’t just lied to Parliament?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you are only married to one person, not two or more?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you have sent your child to school even when they are in good health?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that are driving that vehicle with appropriate insurance?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you haven’t poisoned a political rival?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you haven’t imprisoned someone without charge, trial or a lawyer?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you just turned down a bribe?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you haven’t taken huge sums of money to bring people into the country illegally and rape and enslave them?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that your political party has turned down donations from non-domiciled donors?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you haven’t set up a complex series of shell companies in dubious states to avoid paying our ludicrously low rates of tax?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you walked past that unlocked car and left the owner’s possessions inside it?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you aren’t dealing drugs?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you haven’t tried to enact retroactive legislation to prove your own innocence?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you haven’t sold off public assets to party donors?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you haven’t just thrown a brick through someone’s window?
- Sir / Madam, do you realise that you haven’t just lied under oath?
“So I am afraid I’ll have to take you down to the local Cameron-May centre for questioning and re-education……”
Rowling has recently written about the stigmatisation of single parents in the country, both past and present.
The first point is that there is a notable difference in reporting between Sky and The Guardian.
Sky, part of the deeply corrupt News International that has continued to exert its stain all over UK and the politics of other countries use the choice word handouts. Quite an effort given how much of each article is a cut and paste from her writing in Gingerbread.
The second thought in response to a comment in the Guardian about why the Tories have never celebrated the story or stories of JK Rowling. After all she is rags to riches story and has generated millions if not billions for the country, donated tonnes of money to charity (anyone remember the Big Society) Fundamentally the Tories would never celebrate her books or charitable achievements because she has gone on record several times with statements that are pure anti Tory (Blue / Red or Orange)
In addition defeat of the pure-blood mania and its descent into outright evil in Potter is too close to the bone for the extreme right of a party that believes it deserves to rule (Magic is Might). *
Worse still would be the Tories leading themselves to highlighting parallels between characters
- Fudge as Cameron / Gideon / Clegg / Cable
- Umbridge as Gove / Shapps / IDS
- Malfoy Snr as any Banker/ Donor (always popping into the Ministry)
- Malfoy Junior as a Bullingdon Club Member and prototypical Tory boy
- Rita Skeeter as Rebekah Brooks
- Dementors (ATOS, Serco)
- Slytherin as your prototypical public school / Tory boy breeding ground.
- A deeply corrupt press (Daily Prophet), that is compliant to a corrupt government. But will turn when it suits its agenda.
I say XX as YY. Rather than YY as XX as the Potter books have greater reality to me than any of the twisted f*cks who somehow managed to scrape power and either continue with policies that screwed our economy or are borrowed from Neo-Fascist –sorry Neo-Liberal- failed experiments like Chili.
I know a lot have the view that adults reading Potter books is infantilising (would they say that about Pullman’s Dark Materials?). People are entitled to hold this view. However, in my experience is stated by people who have seen the films, and not read the books. It also assumes a simplistic distinction between childhood, youth and adulthood. I get both older and younger as I age. The more time I spend with kids (through Volunteering with Young Carers) I am amazed about how novel they can be; but also about how rigid they can be.
I have a lot of time for the Potter books. As a lifelong depression sufferer the Dementors speak volumes to me. As do my experiences with the WCA and ATOS. There also appears to be the influence of CBT in Rowling’s writing where characters struggle to turn things around in their own mind in order to move on. I don’t identify with the three main characters. Yet Lupin speaks volumes to me. I guess it’s something about the battle against stigma and the simple urge to pass on knowledge.
A previous post holds a damn fine quote from Rowling that exemplifies why the Tories would never embrace her as a British success story to celebrate.
Oh and she is also responsible for one of my favourite lines ever “Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon!”
^ An earlier version of this was published on the Comments Section of the Guardian under the guise of sheephead73 (that user name is a long story)
* This is not to say the extreme Left Wing has not easily descended into evil.
IDS: On the first day I bought an apple for 1 pence. I polished it until it was gleamed, and sold it for 2 pence.
IDS: The day after that I bought two apples for 1 pence each, polished them both until they gleamed and sold them for 2 pence each.
Interviewer: And that’s how you made a living on the dole and turned your fortunes around?
IDS: Sod that, the next day I married Elizabeth “Betsy” Fremantle, daughter of the 5th Baron Cotteslo. Never had to do an honest days work since….
DON’T FORGET TO SIGN THE STUNT PETITION
Noun striver has 1 sense
In a move described by themselves as: radical, compassionate, and are in no way ill thought out or patronising the Tory coalition announced the Raising of the School-Leaving Age Initiative. All 16-25 year-olds will be able to take the mandatory choice of attending such ROSLA schools, conveniently located next to prisons, large areas of social housing and in every Northern Town in the country. No exceptions will be made unless you can demonstrate inherited wealth, and commitment to state subsidised monopolies of services.
Parents will receive £3.25 a week to support their growing children; whilst the “kids” will be expected to deliver Nosey International papers for free to every household in return for this generous, forward thinking re-education project based on the finest Think Tank sponsored knee-jerk prejudice, spurious facts and specious reasoning.
“The fact that the worlds’ population has reached 7 billion is purely down to the British Housing Benefits system; this must be stopped, until we change our minds.” Announced Dave “Offshore Inheritance” Cameron. “This move will eradicate unemployment among the 16-25 year-olds overnight, and provide thousands of jobs for our outsourcing chums building new ROSLA schools and teaching vital skills for the interwebbed 21stc century Big Nanny Society” added Michael “What the hell is Lipase” Gove. “We will also lend our PFI the money in the first place so that the assets they build costs us 6 or 7 times the going rate.” said Gideon “Two jobs done badly are better than one done badly” Osborne. ^
The new revised OP-level * syllabus for 16-25 years-olds, developed exclusively by Michael Gove, and Dolores Umbridge includes the following highlights:
- The new course will focus solely on the classic and timeless novels of Ayn Rand and Milton Friedman.
- Students will be given extra credit for burning (or deleting all digital copies) of perverse literature from delusional authors such as Keynes, Mother Teresa, Rawlings, Payne, Jesus, Schumacher.
- Text speak for courting Nosey International.
- The alphabet stops at Plan A.
- How Conservatives means selling everything, not preserving anything.
RELIGIOUS AND ETHICAL EDUCATION:
- How the major religions are wrong about compassion and what it really means (bullying, scape-goating and hypocrisy).
- How hypocrisy means what I say not what my parties donors do.
- How Back to Basics was derailed by the feckless poor and not the libidos of Major’s Conservatives.
- How to blame the system for your spurious expenses claims, whilst blaming the individual for claiming benefits.
- How the world was created in seven days (available only at selected publicly funded free schools).
- How cutting jobs actually increases tax, wealth and reduces national debt.
- How Banks behave better when you subsidise their failures, rate fixing and money laundering.
- How Economics is just like family finances, apart from being able to print money, and raise taxes (but not from the rich).
- How offshore Tax strengthens the British economy.
- The many benefits of Public subsidies of service monopolies.
- How sacking soldiers leaves them free to secure the Olympics.
- How a free market is best realised by closed bids from one or two favoured outsourcing Tory party donors.
- How do write legislation that favours large workfare organisations and bankrupts those bleeding heart charities.
- How to pick Remploy employees to carry the Olympic torch whilst sacking the rest for being feckless and disabled.
- How the Big Society means we are all in this together (Subject to age and wealth restrictions).
- The difference between drink fuelled destruction by Bullingdon club members and rioting.
- How the poor increase their copulation rates the more giros they get….
- How poor people deserve to be where they are and why stopping them from freezing, starving, being exploited and raped on the street only makes them thankless feckless and lazy.
- How having your salary and pensions slashed when your job is outsourced increasing your motivation and well being.
- How crime is reduced by private policemen!
- How security is increased by outsourcing to companies that don’t provide enough staff!
- How the hard won rights to strike cannot be applied for self-benefit if said strike conflicts with the Olympics!
- How to work two jobs effectively! (Special lecture by Gideon “Bullingdon” Osborne).
- How third world nations benefit from massive inequality, and how we should mimic this.
- Where the oil is? Which countries have substantial oil reserves, so we know which countries rebels to support in case of war and uprising?
- Map reading skills to avoid travelling where the rich live to avoid spoiling their view and ruining property prices… (Sponsored By Skye Geography Channel and the Daily Hate Mail).
CARPENTRY AND CRAFTS:
- Which cardboard is best for making shelters under bridges?
- Making High Quality Tuxedos for Bullingdon Club members
- Cleaning up the Blood, Vomit and broken glass of Bullingdon Club members
- Boarding up then replacing windows smashed by Bullingdon Club members
- How to rule with impunity over the plebs, regardless of the size of your majority.
- How Liberal Democracy is best served by tabling amendments on bills and then voting against them.
- How to blame increased welfare costs by blaming people who lost their jobs when you sacked them to further subsidise the banks that didn’t cause the problem in the first place.
- Blaming the Euro for everything.
- How to commit political suicide by joining a coalition!
- Ignoring the evidence and soldering on with Plan A makes you a strong leader.
- How U-turns show foresight, compassion and strong leadership.
- How to register your protest about a ministers behaviour by abstaining from voting for an enquiry into his behaviour.
- How to blame another for under- and over-regulation of the banks.
HEALTH AND SOCIAL CARE:
- How to turn off a dialysis machine to see if a claimant is fit for work.
- Helping benefit claimants stop taking their tablets so their death is hastened.
- How Computer Software firms are the best people to assess ESA claims, not those pesky BMA members.
- Stigmatisation of Mental Health Service Users as a cure!
- How to beat up those with learning disabilities :@
HOME ECONOMICS AND CHILDCARE:
- Country Suppers on a tight millionaire’s budget.
- Choosing the best pub to leave your child in.
- Making a meal last a fourteen hour long jubilee celebration enforced work shift.
- Making your food stamps last.
- How not to ask Sir for more!
- Picking the weevils out of your government approved food parcel.
- Money Laundering 101. (Sponsored by the World’s Favoured Bank).
- How brave Tories fought against the European tyranny of Universal Welfare and free Healthcare.
- 1997-2010 the Wasters years.
- The Labour party induced Economic crisis, and how Bankers saved the world.
New Big Society mathematics provides insight into well-known mathematical paradoxes such as:
- How to save 2 billion by ignoring 5billion in avoided tax and screwing the young.
- How cutting the number of jobs actually increases employment.
- How cutting spending increases the budget deficit.
- How collecting tax increases teen horniness.
- Choosing construction projects that benefit the rich traveller.
- The best bridge designs for sleeping under.
- Competitive U-turns on Aircraft Carrier Design.
- How to harness free energy from the spinning graves of Beveridge, Lloyd-George, Asquith and countless others.
- How the Niger delta benefits from Oil spills.
- How green power is a poor substitute for real power once you are elected.
- Are Abstinence or Sterilisation, the only choices for the poor, young and feckless.
- How to teen horniness is increased by welfare benefits.
- The Biological basis for the inferiority of Mud Bloods and Muggles.
* new practical OP-level element will involve practical ball breaking exercises, saving a fortune in pills, condoms and avoid messy ethical debates about enforced sterilisation of the young.
MEDIA STUDIES AND PUBLIC RELATIONS:
- How to further deregulate Nosey International.
- How to forget key details of country suppers (TM Nosey International) and other important details and events.
- How to recall very little about the job you just got £2 million for leaving!
- How to divert attention away from failing policies, U-turns, expenses scandals, corruption, incompetence by pitting the quite poor against the really poor.
- Using the Daily Hate Mail and Torygraph for mature level headed policy debates.
- How to brag to journalists about: cash for access; and “getting” Murdoch.
- Congratulating your friend by text message that you are overseeing his bid for a monopoly!
- How owning porn channels allows you to undertake double standards in the Newspapers and Magazines you also own.
- Using Twitter for mature level headed policy debates.
- How to use private email to avoid freedom of information requests.
- How to hack email accounts, hospital records and mobile phones, (whether the victim is alive or dead).
- How to celebrate Alan Turing whilst opposing further equality measures for non-heterosexuals (because your party donors say so).
“Young people following this curriculum will have the levels of awareness, morality, and critical reflection needed to survive in the Big Nanny Globalised Society.” Said Dolores Umbridge.
“The Big Society ROSLA initiative will be open to all 16-25 year olds depending on their parent’s ability to buy their way out of the scheme.”
Two new Ministers (Adam Sutler and Peter Creedy) have been appointed to oversee the ROSLA initiative. Contracts to tender for these services will be made available on an impartial basis. For details, please send a SAE and a cheque for £250,000 to Tory HQ.
^ The Tories failed to win a majority in 2010, and have failed to cut the deficit, or repair the economy.
* OP stands for Over-subsidised Plebs
:@ A vital skill in privatised social care.