Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

Broadcasters recruit the Right Honourable Tub of Lard, M.P. as Cameron’s stand in!

March 6, 2015 2 comments

Following past BBC success with Bovine derived fat products on politically-oriented Gameshows. UK Broadcasters have enrolled a tub of lard to stand in for PM Cameron during the Prime Ministerial TV debates. Sparing both Cameron the need to talk with Plebs, and the public of the need to see a greasy man with the charisma of a plastic box.   

The Right Honourable Tub of Lard, M.P. probably most famous for gracing our screens in a 1993 episode of “Have I Got News for You” has been keen to reprise his TV role.  “I hope this finally leads to the Peerage I so richly deserve.  I hope that by becoming Lord Fat-Cat of Pickles I can slip off with £300 expenses a day and progress the cause of white fat the UK over. ”

A Tub of Lard.  For illustration only. Any resemblance to a UK politician is purely coincidental.

The “The Rt. Hon. Tub of Lard MP” noted: “I absolutely believe in the Tory record in government.  Let me say this.  I will debate the Tory Coalition’s success in robbing everyone; scape-goating immigrants; taking donations from dodgy banks and Hedge Funds; selling off the NHS to our mates; driving down standards in Schools; and driving sick and disabled to suicide.” He went on to say. “You should have listened to your GP about the benefits of a low fat diet.

Nigel Farage’s spokesperson / butler stated.  “Lord Spode, sorry er, Nigel is furious.  He has spent years cultivating a greasy image.  To have it usurped so readily by this Oikish Tub who goes to the pub not drink British Beer, but simply leave his children behind is clearly a conspiracy by the establishment composed of privately educated money men, who Spod-er-Nigel has no history, similarity or connections.”

After calming down and wiping the foam from his mouth he continued.

“We at UKIP can only assume that said Tub of Lard is rendered from immigrant cows, and probably isn’t even pure white! Bleached even, using fancy benefits claiming foreign chemicals. This is further evidence that the BBC and other broadcasters are Left Wing, after all they censor Nigel and his British knees only letting him appear weekly on Question Time, and not the daily viewing he so richly deserves. 

Nick Clegg, CEO of AboutTurn, manufacturers of Lard Substitute “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Tory.” stated.  Well who cares, he’ll only change his mind later on, so it’s pointless reporting his words.

Categories: Politics, Satire

How can I sound convincingly sorry?

April 10, 2014 Leave a comment

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January 30, 2014 Leave a comment
Categories: Politics, Satire

Initial thoughts on Gideon’s support for mental health and addiction claimants…

September 30, 2013 Leave a comment

The independent reports that “A mandatory intensive regime for claimants with underlying problems such as mental health, drug addiction or illiteracy”

Can we start moving against this?   How the hell will low paid, low qualified job centre staff willing to collaborate with the nastiness demonstrated by IDS Osborne and others deal with mental health and addiction issues with sensitivity?   What right, qualification, or remit do the DWP and Treasury have to override GPs, Health Service and specialist charities expertise. The current WCA /ESA scheme is already making people more ill.  How the hell will being bullied by unqualified staff help someone be cured? Coming days after Cameron and Pickles deeply insensitive comments what is next public shaming of ESA claimants with mental health of addiction issues?



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