Home > Satire > Newsflash: Lots of lazy bastards have jobs

Newsflash: Lots of lazy bastards have jobs

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/lots-of-lazy-bastards-have-jobs-2012120652158

 

Lots of lazy bastards have jobs

06-12-12

THOUSANDS of bone idle people have full-time paid employment, it has emerged.

 

 

Proud to be sitting in a chair

As the government capped unemployment benefits and trumpeted its support for ‘hard workers’, lazy employed people have been left wondering where they stand in all this.

Sales manager Tom Booker said: “I pay my taxes but I certainly don’t work hard.

“Thanks to technology I can do the minimum required amount of work quickly, then spend the remaining six hours looking at music and pornography websites.

“Occasionally I have to give my subordinates a bollocking for behaving exactly as I do, but that’s about as stressful as it gets.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The inference seems to be that unemployed people are ‘shirkers’.

“But doing a job is often less hassle than trying to get one. Especially if you’re some sort of office manager, which basically amounts to babysitting adults.

“George Osborne also champions people who want to work hard. But these people do not exist.

“Humans like cake, telly and blow jobs. They’re a bit less keen on busting their arses.”

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